


Should've Listened To The Universe

by 0verly_0bsessed



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Apologies, Arguing, Blood and Injury, Break Up, Canon-Typical Violence, Crime Fighting, Crying, Emotional Hurt, Enemies to Friends, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, First Kiss, Fluff, Friends to Enemies to Lovers, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Getting Together, Heartbreak, Hospitalization, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Kinda, Love Confessions, Love Triangles, Mild Smut, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Oblivious Peter Parker, Oblivious Reader, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Out of Character Michelle Jones, Pining, Possibly Unrequited Love, Reader-Insert, Requited Love, Secret Crush, Swearing, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-15
Updated: 2019-09-02
Packaged: 2020-06-29 06:29:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19824433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/0verly_0bsessed/pseuds/0verly_0bsessed
Summary: Y/N has finally gotten the courage to confess her feelings to Peter. All she has to do is stick to her plan, and at the end of the Europe trip Peter will know the truth. And maybe even feel the same. But what is Peter doing with that necklace? And why is he acting so strangely around MJ?





	1. Shattered, Not Whole

**Author's Note:**

> The start of an angsty Peter Parker/Reader story. Not gonna lie, this'll hurt.

Y/N didn’t know when she had become such a hopeless romantic. Maybe it was when she first laid eyes on the one and only, Peter Parker. Maybe it had happened when the two of them had begun hanging out during and after school, studying and talking for hours. Perhaps it was when she had shown him the small robot she had built. The wheeled machine beeping happily as Peter heaped praises upon it, and by proxy, he had complimented her. What she knew with absolute certainty, was that she had realized the extent of her feelings for Peter when he first came to her apartment after patrolling the city as Spider-Man.

He was bruised and bloodied, suit ripped and dirty as he tapped on her window in the dead of night. She had let him in with no hesitation, and he had crumpled into her arms from exhaustion. She then laid him gingerly onto her bed, mindful of his injuries as she had done so. Pulling out the med kit she had kept under the bed for such a situation, she opened and perused its contents. She quickly grabbed what she needed and got to work. She had whispered words of comfort and encouragement in his ear as she cleaned and dressed his wounds, and he had eventually drifted off to sleep. It was when she had looked at his face as he slept—yes, it was creepy. She knew—watching the worry and fear melt off his face, that she truly felt the level of trust he had for her. That was when the realization hit her like a tsunami.

Y/N Y/L/N, roboticist and programmer extraordinaire, was head-over-heels in love with the adorable, dorky genius that was Peter Parker.

And now here she was, writing a step by step plan as to how she was going to “Confess My Feelings For Peter Parker And Hopefully Not Regret All My Life Decisions,” as she so eloquently named it. She was writing this plan in her school notebook, on the last page so she could easily hide it should anyone walk by. The silly title was written in small bubble letters at the top of the page, corny hearts and stars doodled around the words. The plan was written as follows:

Step One: Sit next to Peter on the plane.

That was easy enough, they were friends so he wouldn’t think it weird.

Step Two: Use the dual headphone adapter she had recently bought to watch movies with him. 

Also easy. What would be difficult, however, would be convincing him to watch a movie of a more…romantic nature. Doing so would send a subtle hint, which hopefully the famously oblivious Peter would slightly pick up on.

Step Three: Hang out with Peter consistently during the trip.

Easy as well. She always hung out with Peter. Although Ned may prove to be an issue…

Step Four: At the end of the trip, find a way to go to the top of the Eiffel Tower with Peter. Alone.

This was when the plan grew difficult. She would have to convince him to go up with her, without Ned. The two were practically attached at the hip. But still, it was manageable.

Step Five: Give Peter the tech she had been working on, as a gift.

The tech in question was a seemingly innocuous ballpoint pen. However, the pen was a communicator, weapon, holographic projector, search algorithm, and had the capacity to contain an AI. (Although it didn’t have one, yet). With a clockwise twist of the cap, and a quick thumb and retinal scan, the abilities of the pen were just a command away. She knew Peter would be in awe of both the capabilities of the tech, but also of the work and care put into it. The pen allowed Peter to face threats without putting on his whole Spider-Man getup. And it was also inconspicuous, allowing him to access a wide array of information without raising suspicion.

She had a copy of the pen. His was red and hers was blue, reminiscent of the primary colors of Spider-Man’s costume. A safe line of communication was established between the two pens, allowing them to talk to one another at any time. She was aware of how he was always worried about the safety of those he cared for, so she knew he’d especially appreciate this function.

Step Six: Explain the significance of the gift, and confess her feelings.

And hope that Peter likes her back.

“What’re you writing?” Peter asked innocently, peeking over Y/N’s shoulder to steal a glance at her notebook.

Y/N was unceremoniously shaken from her thoughts and sent plummeting back to reality. She slammed her notebook shut and shot a glare at Peter.

“Uh-uh, you’re not stealing my notes again. No siree,” she lied smoothly.

Peter chuckled, holding his hands up in surrender, “You got me there.”

“You can just ask for them, y’know,” she teased, elbowing him playfully as she tried to keep her skin from growing hot in embarrassment. Thankfully, Peter was extremely oblivious and didn’t notice a thing.

“But that takes away all the fun,” he pouted.

“One of these days I’ll have the patience to fully encrypt my notes, then where will you be?”

“Deciphering them, of course,” he countered.

“Stubborn.”

“Right back atcha,” Peter said, shooting finger guns at her for emphasis.

“You’re such a dork,” Y/N laughed, but not before obligingly firing back with finger guns of her own.

“Hypocrite.”

“I never said I wasn’t a dork,” Y/N slyly pointed out.

Peter laughed full-heartedly in response, a laugh that made butterflies flutter in Y/N’s stomach and sent a warm, fuzzy feeling through her body almost like a highly addictive drug.

“‘Sup losers,” MJ said, walking over to join the two of them.

“H-hey, MJ,” Peter stuttered.

“‘Sup,” Y/N nodded.

“We—we were just talking about…” Peter trailed off, unsure of how to continue.

“The trip,” Y/N butted in, surprised by the lie that rolled off her tongue, “We were talking about the trip.”

“Again, Peter?” MJ asked, “weren’t you just talking about that with Ned, and your—I mean his—plan to collect tiny spoons?”

“Ned’s collecting tiny spoons?” Y/N laughed uncontrollably, “that is both completely unlike Ned, but also such a Ned thing to do.”

“Anyways,” Peter awkwardly interrupted, “are you excited for the trip, MJ?”

“Yeah. Especially for the Eiffel Tower.”

“Really?” Peter said, something like hope sounding in his voice.

“Yep. I read that it’s a mind control antenna utilized by the government to brainwash the people. That’s why it’s gonna be my favorite part.”

Y/N let out a low whistle, “ballsy theory, I like it.”

MJ smirked slightly, “By the way, Y/N, make sure to download a VPN so the government can’t track you. Already warned Peter and Ned.”

“Will do,” Y/N gave MJ a mock salute as she walked away.

“Bye MJ!” Peter called after her, just a little too loudly.

“See you later, Peter,” Y/N said, grabbing her notebook and following after MJ. Pushing down the feeling of dread that had sprung from Peter’s interaction with MJ.

* * * *

The plan was off to a rough start, admittedly. But it wasn’t Y/N’s fault!

Apparently Peter had some sort of allergy to perfume that he’d never mentioned before, and now he was forced to sit between the two chaperones for the whole plane ride.

Y/N certainly felt sympathetic, and she conveyed that to Peter with a quick pitying look as she walked by. But there was a small part of her that was jealous of Mr. Harrington. (Jealous of Mr. Harrington? That’s a new low). That was supposed to be her sitting next to Peter. Her watching cheesy movies with him with the dual headphone adapter. (Which he also had, huh. That was twelve dollars down the drain.) Her resting her head on his shoulder as she slept.

But whatever. Nothing romantic can happen on an eight hour flight, right?

* * * *

Ned and Betty are together now. They sat next to one another, and now they’re an item. Could that have happened with her and Peter?

No. It couldn’t have.

She just had to stick to the plan.

* * * *

Okay. Maybe the universe was conspiring against her.

They had arrived in Venice, and it was breathtakingly beautiful. It almost made her forget about the dingy hotel room she’d have to stay in at the end of the day.

She’d been aimlessly wandering the streets, completely alone. Ned and Betty were grossly close, the two were one minute away from making out in the gondola they were riding in. And Peter was nowhere to be seen. The last she saw him, he had ducked into a secluded corner store and came out with a small, golden bag.

She would’ve confronted him about it, but MJ had gotten to him first.

But all that was pushed to the back of her mind as an intimidating water creature lay waste to the streets of Venice.

She only had a passing conversation with Peter before she had to run.

“Are you going to suit up?” She had whispered quickly.

“What? I’m on vacation. I need a break,” he answered.

“Okay, stay safe, Spider-Boy,” she joked before fleeing the scene.

But now, surveying the streets after the destruction, it was clear that Peter had helped. His webs were littered everywhere, and he was nowhere to be found after the battle. Classic Peter, he carried so much responsibility.

However, it was clear that the monster, was too much for Peter. If it wasn’t for the person dubbed Mysterio then…she wouldn’t dwell on those hypotheticals.

But she wouldn’t let monstrous creatures get in the way of confessing her feelings! Y/N Y/L/N was too goddamn stubborn not to!

* * * *

The universe hates her. First she was blipped, then she had lost her mentor. (God, Tony’s loss still felt like a knife in her heart.) And now, her plan was completely ruined. Shredded and stomped on by the universe itself.

Well, not really by the universe. More like by Nick Fury. But who’s keeping track? (She was, very much so.) He had hijacked their vacation and now instead of going to Paris, they were going to Prague.

Hooray…

* * * *

She doesn’t know the universe’s opinion of her anymore.

The hotel in Prague had been a major upgrade. Nick Fury didn’t skimp on it, that’s for sure. It almost felt like the universe was apologizing for the shit it put her through.

But then they were going to a mind numbing, four hour long opera instead of the excitingly awesome carnival. And the universe slapped her across the face screaming, “bitch you thought!”

And then, as she thought it couldn’t get any worse, Peter had left claiming he was “sick.” Which basically meant he was about to do something ridiculously stupid and dangerous as Spider-Man.

Oh wait, something ridiculously stupid and dangerous as Night Monkey.

After hearing the shit excuse Ned provided, Y/N had rushed out of the theater into the busy streets of Prague. Clutching the PEN in hand—she had just come up with the name, Portable Electronic Network. She was unreasonably proud of it—as she scoped the city for danger.

Apparently, danger was attracted to her like a moth to a flame. Because shortly after she left the safety of the theater, the weird lava goop monster appeared. (Elemental, her brain uselessly provided.) She probably should’ve listened to Peter’s warning.

She took cover in an alleyway, ready to fire concussive blasts from the PEN at any moment. The heat from the creature was unbelievable, waves of hot air pulsated from the monster as it slid—Crawled? Walked? Gooped?—ominously towards the ferris wheel.

The same ferris wheel that Ned and Betty were trapped on.

With little regard for her own safety, Y/N jumped from her hiding place and rapidly fired concussive blasts at the creature.

And the creature…fucking flickered? 

It was only for half a second, and afterwards the Elemental simply continued on its path towards the ferris wheel, not even acknowledging her attack.

“The fuck…” she mumbled. But the fight was already over. And the two heroes had walked off together to who knows where. She needed to tell Peter, as soon as possible.

* * * *

“Where’s Peter?” Y/N asked Ned. They were all back in the hotel, packing up in order to go home. Well, everyone except for Peter.

“He just went on a walk with MJ, why?” Ned answered.

Y/N’s mouth went dry, but she ignored the sour taste of jealousy and pushed on, “I need to tell him something, about the Elementals.”

“You can tell me, I’m his guy in the chair.”

Y/N nodded, looking around before pulling Ned into her room and locking the door. “I have reason to believe that the Elementals…aren’t real.”

“What? But-but I was there! It was pretty real! Scarily real!” He protested.

“Here,” Y/N handed Ned the PEN.

“It’s a pen,” Ned said obviously, confused.

“No, it’s PEN. Portable Electronic Network. It has many capabilities, but the one that matters right now is the concussive blasts it fires.”

Ned nodded, struggling to follow.

“During the fight with the fire Elemental, I fired several blasts at the monster in rapid succession. The blasts did little to the creature. In fact, it didn’t even acknowledge me. But what it did do—” Y/N grabbed the PEN back from Ned, pulling up the video feed from the fight. The video was shaky, but the moment when the blasts hit the Elemental was crystal clear. “—was flicker.”

“Oh God, so what you’re saying is—”

“Someone is faking the attacks.”

“We have to tell Peter.”

“Is he back from the walk?” Y/N asked Ned, still living in denial.

“Should be, let’s go check.”

The two practically ran over to Peter’s room, and Ned barged in without knocking. They both froze as they saw what was happening.

“Uh,” Y/N said dumbly, taking in the view of both MJ and Peter, Peter was wearing the Night Monkey get up, and MJ was facing away from him. Jealousy flared up again, white hot and blinding.

Ned was in the middle of giving a horrible excuse when Y/N interrupted, “Peter, the Elementals aren’t real, they’re most likely projections. I have reason to believe—”

“I know,” Peter interjected, “wait, how did you find out?”

“Long story. You probably don’t have time to hear it.”

Peter nodded, saying his goodbyes before jumping out the window and swinging away.

“So,” Y/N said, turning to MJ, “you figured it out?”

“Maybe he told me.”

“Nah, you definitely figured it out.”

MJ nodded in admission.

Y/N laughed, trying to ignore the aching numbness in their heart. And the feeling of dread that accompanied it.

* * * *

This was not how she wanted to die. Locked in a room with the Crown Jewels. Nothing but PEN and various medieval weaponry to protect themselves. Locked in a room with fucking Flash Thompson of all people.

After the weird confession session that they all had—“I tinker in my spare time and can build weapons capable of mass destruction but choose instead to build idiotic robots”—the drones had broken in. PEN had quickly disposed of two of them, but the final third was seconds away from killing them all.

But then, it froze, and flew away.

Shocked and scared, they all stood still. But Y/N was shaken out of her stupor as MJ began running, probably to find Peter. And Y/N followed behind her.

Maybe her plan was still salvageable.

* * * *

The Tower Bridge was in shambles. Flames licking at the stone and gaping holes were left in the structure. Cars were abandoned and crushed, explosions having completely ripped the automobiles apart. 

And then there was Peter, limping towards them. Tall and strong among the destruction. 

MJ cried out, crashing into Peter and enveloping him in a tight hug. She tossed the mace she was carrying aside as she stepped away, awkwardly rubbing the back of her neck.

Y/N stood a few feet back, unsure of whether she should come closer.

The two talked a little longer, with MJ pulling out the broken necklace that Happy had given her. 

Fear and dread curled in Y/N’s stomach. Throbbing painfully and sending waves of bitter cold throughout her body.

Peter seemed upset, starting to ramble as he looked down at the shattered necklace. And MJ interrupted him with a quick, chaste kiss.

That was when the world was torn apart at its seams.

She had been so stupid. So unbelievably stupid. She should’ve known. She should’ve known the second that MJ and Peter went on that walk. The second that Happy had given MJ the necklace, and said it was from Peter. But she had been happy living in denial. Believing that she even had a chance with Peter Parker.

She didn’t deserve him. He was too selfless. Too brave. Too smart. Too…Peter. So absolutely Peter that no one else could ever be even remotely like him. An enigma. The boy who had been through so much and yet still sacrificed everything for others. The boy who had wanted a break, but had such a sense of responsibility that he had to save the city, no, the world. Despite having done so less than a year prior.

And now, Peter and MJ were kissing, again. A longer, deeper kiss. A kiss that had them pressed against each other. Y/N couldn’t help but realize how perfectly they fit together. Like two matching puzzle pieces.

And it hurt. It all hurt so much. A knife twisting into her side, slicing and cutting as she watched the two look at each other with love blazing in their eyes.

A look that she now realized Peter had never directed at her.

She swallowed down her feelings. Choked on her inadequacy, her unrequited love, as she smiled. Peter turned to look at her, face red in embarrassment as he realized he was being watched.

It would be so easy, too easy. To ruin their friendship. A wrong word, a harsh look. And their friendship would come crumbling down like the bridge they were on.

So, with pain stabbing in her heart, she shook her head and laughed. Shouting out with as much joy as she could muster, “It’s about damn time!”

MJ and Peter laughed back, eyes only for each other, before MJ separated in order to return to the class.

Peter stared after her, dumb smile plastered on his face.

Y/N walked up to him and playfully punched his arm, making sure not to aggravate any of his wounds.

“You have a lot to share, Mr. Parker,” she teased lightheartedly, or at least tried to.

Peter nodded, mind still far away.

“You need anything?”

Peter shook his head.

“Good job, Peter. I’m proud of you.”

Peter beamed at her. And he had absolutely no right to play with her heart like that. Because if she hadn’t seen him kissing MJ just seconds before, she would’ve pulled him in for a bruising kiss.

Y/N smiled weakly back and walked away, waiting until she was out of sight before she broke down sobbing.

She was so weak. Peter didn’t deserve someone as weak as her.

Y/N reached into her pocket and felt for the red PEN, the one meant for Peter. She fiddled with it for a second before pulling it out, admiring it’s glossy sheen as she held it up to the light. She suddenly threw it to the ground, stomping on it incessantly.

She pulled her foot away, expecting—hoping for—a pile of sparking scraps. But the PEN was still intact. Shining merrily on the ground.

Y/N slumped forward onto the concrete, kneeling on the cold floor. She couldn’t bring herself to despise MJ. She could never hate Peter. 

Hours later, in the comfort of her own home, she took out her school notebook. She flipped to the back of the book and stared teary eyed at her old plan.

With a heavy heart, she tore the paper from the notebook. Crumpling it up and tossing it across the room. The wheeled robot that Peter once complimented picked up the discarded paper, tossing it in the trash.

She should’ve listened to the universe.


	2. How Long?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y/N deals with MJ and Peter's newfound relationship. But the quirky, loving couple isn't as happy as they have led many to believe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter ignores what happens in the after credits of FFH

It all still hurt.

Her poor heart remained completely shattered. One would think that the wound would have begun to heal. Would scab over and stitch itself back together after the few weeks that had passed since Europe.

But no. It was split evenly in half, dark red and raw. Bleeding her love for Peter Parker on to the ground.

Can’t you see it!? She wanted to shout as Peter smiled at her.

Isn’t it obvious? Her mind cried as her affection spilled sluggishly from her gaping chest to the floor. Fire-truck red and shimmering in the light.

You’re killing me. She longed to say each time Peter brought her in for a hug.

Sometimes, her heart would come tantalizingly close to being healed. Haphazardly patched together with band aids forged from denial and ice cream binges. But then, Peter would send her that smile that turned her mind to mush. Or would say something so sweet that butterflies would instantly materialize in her stomach. And the shoddy repairs of her heartbreak would tear apart, leaving it just as broken as when Peter and MJ had first kissed.

But she would never attempt to bare her broken, bloody heart ever again. For both her sake, and Peter’s.

* * * *

As the Summer passed by, Y/N realized something rather surprising.

Whenever she would hang out with Peter and MJ—(Thankfully, Ned was there most of the time. The last thing she wanted was to be the third wheel)—them kissing or cuddling, or overall just indulging in PDA wasn’t that much of an issue.

No. It was the seemingly insignificant things that hurt the most.

Like when Peter stopped coming to her apartment after patrol, no longer needing her to patch him up now that he had MJ. Or how any plans with her were pushed to the wayside because his relationship with MJ had become his priority. How her calls and messages were left unanswered for hours because he was too busy with MJ to even bother to reply.

And sometimes, it seemed like he was reluctant to call back. Uninterested in hanging out with her. Almost like he was constantly itching to return to MJ’s side.

And when three months passed and school was finally back in session, something had changed between the two of them. A broken cog in the mechanisms of their friendship. A faulty line of code in an otherwise functional algorithm. Y/N longed to be able to dig into the issue like she would do so to an engine. Elbows deep and covered with grease, fiddling with the machine until the issue was fixed and it ran smooth as butter. But relationships aren’t like machines. And in this case, it almost seemed like the engine didn’t want to be fixed.

* * * *

“Senior year!” Ned cheered from the passenger seat as Y/N drove him to Midtown. Peter had declined her offer to carpool, saying that he and MJ were going together.

Y/N whooped enthusiastically, lifting her arms jokingly off the steering wheel as she danced in the car seat.

“Hands on the wheel!” Ned screeched worriedly.

“Relax, Ned,” Y/N laughed, placing her hands back on the steering wheel anyway.

“Isn’t it hard to imagine? Once upon a time we were just tiny little freshmen, and now ...”

“We’re big, bad seniors?” Y/N finished for him.

“Well, I wouldn’t put it that way. But yeah,” Ned conceded. “Hey,” Ned turned to face Y/N, a mischievous grin spreading across his face, “Remember when you, Peter, and I had this ridiculous plan in freshman year to get popular?”

Y/N groaned, “please don’t remind me.”

“We all spent hours planning out our outfits for the first day, and you watched so many tutorials on YouTube in order to do your makeup.”

“Please, Ned, have mercy.”

“And so, on the first day of school. We all go in. I’m wearing this ridiculous ripped jeans and baggy tank top combo. With a fedora, of course. But you—” Ned pauses to laugh “—you’re wearing a full face of makeup. Super long fake eyelashes, thick winged eyeliner, bright eyeshadow. And lo and behold, you’re wearing what looked almost like a prom dress. Trailing on the ground, floats as you twirl, the whole shebang. Like, complete and utter overkill.”

“And I completely owned it,” Y/N said confidently, sitting up straighter. “I wish I’d worn that outfit again, for old times sake.”

“You should’ve seen the look Peter gave you, he was practically drooling all over you,” Ned teased.

“Yeah, well remember Peter’s outfit—wait, what?” Y/N said dumbly as Ned’s words sank in.

“His eyes were bugging out of his head!” Ned reminisced, shoulders shaking from laughter.

Y/N clutched the steering wheel tighter, knuckles turning white. Ned’s voice seemed to slowly fade away as blood pulsed in her ears.

The look Peter gave you.

Drooling all over you.

The look Peter gave you.

Eyes bugging out of his head.

The look Peter gave you.

“Earth to Y/N?” Ned asked, “please don’t zone out, I don’t want us to crash and die.”

Y/N shook her head to clear her mind of it’s racing thoughts. “Peter had a crush on me?” She managed to croak out.

“You didn’t know?” Ned gaped, “I thought you were just uninterested. Really, really uninterested.”

Y/N laughed shakily, “I didn’t. And I…I was the exact opposite of uninterested.”

“What do you—oh,” Ned said, tone suddenly serious.

Y/N nodded her head self-consciously, “when did he….you know….”

“He told me when we were freshmen, but who knows when it started. I think he stopped—“

“I know. Junior year. What about that thing with Liz?” Y/N asked. They had arrived at Midtown, and she was in the process of searching for a parking spot.

“He was just trying to get over you, that’s what he told me anyways.”

Y/N nodded silently, struggling to process what Ned’s words truly meant. “Fuck!” She shouted as she came to the realisation of what she had missed. She aggressively took the keys out of the ignition. “Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!”

Ned let her finish her outburst before asking, “do you still—“

“Yes, Ned! Of course I fucking do!” She rested her forehead against the steering wheel. Letting her eyes fall shut. “Don’t tell Peter. I don’t want to let my feelings get in the way of his happiness. He loves MJ.”

Ned reluctantly agreed. “I’m sorry,” he said quietly, resting a hand reassuringly in her back.

“I’m sorry that I had a tantrum,” Y/N chuckled awkwardly, “not a good way to start the year.”

“High school is messy. Drama, relationships, the stress of our futures. Sometimes we just have to let our emotions out in order to manage it better,” Ned said sagely.

“Wow, Betty’s influence is still there,” Y/N joked, sitting up as she prepared to head into the building.

Ned chuckled as he slipped out the passenger side door. Y/N took a deep breath to compose herself, and followed. 

This changed everything.

* * * *

“Hey, Peter!” Y/N called out in greeting, jogging up to meet him as he walked down the hall. “I haven’t seen you all day, where were you during lunch?”

“Oh, MJ and I went off grounds for lunch,” Peter explained.

“Oh God, we’re actually allowed to do that now! Not that it matters, we’ve done it so many times before,” Y/N joked, shaking her head as she walked alongside him, trying to crush the feeling of disappointment that welled up inside her. Ned’s words were still whirling around in her head, she couldn’t believe she had missed the signs. And now it was too late.

“Yeah,” Peter answered absent-mindedly.

“Where’d you go to eat?” Y/N asked.

“That new ice cream place, you know it?”

“‘One Scoop, Two Scoops?’ Eating ice cream for lunch, Parker? Absolute anarchy,” Y/N teased. Peter laughed half-heartedly, looking away from Y/N as if he was searching for someone. Picking up on Peter’s disinterest Y/N allowed the conversation to dwindle into awkward silence.

“Well, bye Peter,” Y/N waved goodbye before stepping into her next class.

She could hear Peter call out enthusiastically. before she walked to her seat, “Hey, MJ!”

* * * *

MESSAGING

Y/N: me n ned r going to 1 scoop 2 scoops. Want 2 come?

Peter: Can’t, MJ and I are going to swing around the city.

Y/N: literally?

Peter: Yes. lol

Y/N: Maybe next time?

Peter: Yeah.

* * * *

MESSAGING

Y/N: DUDEEEEE

Y/N: PETERRRR

Y/N: I GOT ENOUGH MONEY 4 THE MILLENIUM FALCON SET!!! :D 

Peter: Awesome!

Y/N: Im getting it tmrw. Wanna come over after school on friday to build it with me and ned?

Peter: Of course!

Y/N: of course youll come, cant let ned break it.

Peter: In Ned’s defense, the situation warranted such a reaction.

Y/N: such fancy wording

Peter: Sorry.

Y/N: dont apologize! embrace ur fancy english prof persona

Peter: lol

Y/N: gtg ttyl

Peter: Too many acronyms…brain….melting

Y/N: idc ctn c-p cyt

Peter: I actually had to Google those. WTF, Y/N

Y/N: :P

* * * *

MESSAGING

Y/N: waiting 4 u b4 we start

SENT FRIDAY, 2:47 P.M

Y/N: hey, where r u?

SENT FRIDAY, 3:22 P.M

Y/N: its getting kinda late, its been 2 hrs.

Y/N: did u 4get???

SENT FRIDAY, 4:36 P.M

Y/N: Peter. I’m actually worried right now. Are you okay?

SENT FRIDAY, 5:53 P.M

Y/N: Ned left. You don’t have to come if you don’t want to.

SENT FRIDAY, 6:24

Y/N: Peter, please. Answer.

SENT FRIDAY, 7:48

Y/N: I hate to be like this, but I’m going to call May if you don’t answer in an hour.

SENT FRIDAY, 8:02 P.M

Y/N: Okay, I’m calling her.

SENT FRIDAY, 9:04 P.M

Y/N: sry for interrupting ur date with mj. May told me.

Y/N: u can come over some other time to build the legos if u want

SENT FRIDAY, 9:17 P.M

Peter: I’m sorry for missing it Y/N! Sorry I made you worry, too. I forgot about the Millenium Falcon. Maybe some other time?

Y/N: dont worry. I dont mind. as long as the date was good ;)

Peter: Y/N

Y/N: What? Its a valid question

Peter: ….

Y/N: ….

Peter: Yeah….

Y/N: See? That wasnt 2 hard

Peter: I hate you.

Y/N: my feelings

Y/N: gtg bye

Peter: bye

SENT SATURDAY, 10:23 A.M

* * * *

Stupid, stupid, stupid. Y/N reprimanded herself. She had answered Peter’s explanatory text almost immediately. She must’ve seemed so desperate.

Despite her calm, joking appearance in the texts, Y/N was practically seething in anger and wallowing in self pity at Peter’s excuse. Not only did he forget the plans he made with her—and Ned, but that didn’t matter—in order to go on a date with MJ. But he also made her worry needlessly almost the entire afternoon. Her overactive imagination had churned out so many images of Peter dead and dying somewhere. Bleeding out, neck broken, shot in the head. Constant horrible scenarios in which Peter died painfully and alone. While in reality he was too busy staring into MJ’s eyes to even answer her frantic texts.

And she didn’t even have the heart to properly berate him! Goddamn stupid romantic feelings.

* * * *

The eventful weekend had passed, and with it the anger that Y/N had harbored for Peter. Although being forgotten stung, she would just have to get used to being put to the wayside. But now, it was back to school, back to facing one Peter Parker. 

Peter slipped into the seat beside Y/N, placing his supplies neatly on the lab table. AP Chem, the only class that the two had together without MJ. The highlight of Y/N’s day.

Y/N sent a wide smile in Peter’s direction, which he returned full force. Butterflies metamorphosed inside her stomach and fluttered their wings as fast as her heart was beating. Then she noticed the dark circles beneath his eyes, and his sunken in cheeks, and the ghastly pale complexion of his face.

“You feeling alright, Peter?” Y/N asked worriedly, unable to stop herself from placing a gentle hand on his cheek. Which she quickly retracted.

“Yeah, it’s just ...the internship,” Peter explained cryptically.

“Ugh, I know how stressful that is for you,” Y/N answered vaguely, offering support despite hiding the true topic of their conversation. “Snickers?” Y/N reached into her pencil case and rummaged around in it, pulling out miscellaneous pens and pencils before finding and offering the hidden candy bar to Peter.

“You don’t have to--”

“You’re not you when you’re hungry,” Y/N quipped.

“That joke was so horrible that I’m obligated to eat this,” he gratefully took the candy bar and pulled it out of the wrapper. Then he proceeded to shove it into his mouth. “Wha’s tha’?” Peter asked with his mouth full, voice muffled. He pointed to the two PENs, their chrome paint job glittering in the artificial light. She must’ve taken them out by accident.

“Oh, just some...prototypes,” Y/N stuttered, grabbing the PENs and placing them back in the case.

“I haven’t seen them before,” Peter wondered aloud, swallowing the mouthful of Snickers.

“Because…” Y/N stumbled as she tried to come up with an excuse, “because they have a tendency to explode.”

“What!” The whole class turned to face Peter at his exclamation, eyebrows raised slightly, “I can’t believe you said that!” He said in an attempt to cover his outburst.

Y/N laughed, both to help sell the illusion, and because Peter’s expression of barely held back fear was hilarious. “Don’t worry,” Y/N chuckled, “this batch has a 98.37% likelihood of not exploding at any point in time. Give or take 0.01%”

“Y/N,” Peter hissed, “you brought these here? A densely populated area!?”

“Listen, this is a communicator, weapon, holographic projector, search algorithm, and contains an AI,” she had finished coding the AI over the summer, of course. “Forgive me for wanting to keep it close by at all times.”

The fearful look in Peter’s eyes had faded slightly, replaced with clear wonderment and fascination.

“Y’know what? Here,” in a sudden bout of confidence, Y/N took out the red PEN, which was originally intended for Peter and handed it over.

“What?” Peter said dumbly.

“It’s yours, duh,” Y/N answered, “Just twist the cap clockwise, and the PEN will give you a thumb and retinal scan before allowing access to its capabilities. PENNI can explain it to you.”

“Penny?” Peter questioned.

“P. E. N. N. I. It stands for; Portable Electronic Network’s Notable Intelligence,” Y/N explained.

“So PEN stands for….”

“Portable Electronic Network.”

“Wow, you really reached for that one,” Peter said teasingly, though admiration was clear in his tone of voice.

“Spent more time on it than I’d like to admit,” Y/N joked back.

It felt good to finally give the PEN to Peter. It was almost poetic, the thing she planned to confess her love with just being handed over with little to no fanfare. But it was nice to give up the thing that had taunted her consistently since the trip to Europe. She could almost forget about the concept of loving Peter, stop thinking of him romantically and just care for him as a friend.

Of course, her heart stubbornly kept on loving him.

“Thank you, Y/N,” Peter said earnestly. “I’ll definitely use this. Hope it won’t blow up on me.”

“I think I’m going to make it explode out of spite,” Y/N laughed. If only she knew just how much he’d need it.

* * * *

Something was off with Peter and MJ. The normally quirky, yet loving couple constantly squabbled over the smallest things. Peter argued with emotion ringing in his voice and twisting his face, words dripping with acid. And MJ fought with a hard expression and sharp words that mercilessly pierced and stabbed.

The two wouldn’t divulge exactly what was happening, what they were really fighting over. Y/N couldn’t get Peter, nor MJ to confess. And not even Ned could get Peter to discuss the constant arguments. Y/N couldn’t stop the small part of her mind that relished in the deterioration of their relationship. Waiting eagerly for when--if--they broke up. The arguments came to a head in the most dramatic of ways. Y/N was sitting peacefully in her room when it happened, blissfully unaware of what had just gone down several miles away. It was late at night and Y/N, as usual, was completely unaware of the time. Completely engrossed in a new idea that had evolved into a full fledged concept.

She was soldering together two pieces of metal--safely! She knew what she was doing--when the noise started. 

The blue PEN beeped. Once, twice, three times. Before it turned into a constant, obnoxious ringing.

“What?” Y/N mumbled confusedly, looking up from her project, “please don’t tell me you’re going to explode. There is actually a 0% chance of that happening.”

“Ms. Y/L/N,” the warm, female voice of PENNI announced, “Incoming message from; Peter.”

Y/N rushed to turn off the soldering iron, quickly leaping from her seat and scrambling for the PEN. She twisted the cap and accepted his message.

“Y/N?” Peter’s voice sounded from the PEN, terribly weak, “Y/N, I need your help. I’m at—I’m by MJ’s apartment building. I need you to pick me up. Bring some medical supplies it’s….it’s not good.” The message ended.

“Goddamnit, Parker!” Y/N shouted into the air, “PENNI, start recording a message to be sent to Peter’s PEN.”

“Certainly,” PENNI said clearly, “recording begins now.”

“Peter,” Y/N began as she searched the room for supplies, “I don’t know exactly what you’ve gotten yourself into, but just know that I’m coming.” Y/N grabbed her car keys and the PEN, which was still recording. “PENNI? What is the ETA if I leave immediately?” Y/N fumbled with the armfuls of stuff she was carrying, but she soldiered on.

“1:33 A.M, approximately sixteen minutes from now,” PENNI answered.

“Well, there you go. I’ll be right there. Don’t you worry, Peter,” Y/N reassured him as she rushed out of the apartment building and into her waiting car, starting the engine, “PENNI, end recording and send.”

“Yes, Ms. Y/L/N.”

Y/N let out a shaky breath, holding the steering wheel loosely as she gathered her thoughts. A quick inhale and she was ready, eyes shining with newfound resolve as she gripped the leather of the wheel. With little time to lose, she backed out of the parking lot and drove through the streets towards MJ’s apartment building. Keeping her thoughts and worries subdued as she drove through the city, she finally came into sight of MJ’s building. Fear bubbled in her stomach like a rancid stew as she parked her car and made her way over to the shadowy building. Fear not meant for herself, but for Peter.

“Peter?” She called softly, looking into the alleyway of the building. 

“Y/N?” A voice rasped in reply. Upon confirming that it was Peter, Y/N rushed into the alleyway in search of him.

And find him she did.

He was still in his Spider-Man getup, mask pulled up to expose his mouth. He was slumped against the dirty wall of the alleyway, and tucked behind a dumpster in order to hide from any passerby. His shoulders shook as he took in shallow breaths, blood dribbled down his chin as it spilled from his mouth and onto his chest. He was clutching his hands to his abdomen, putting pressure on what looked to be a nasty bullet wound.

“Hey, Pete,” Y/N whispered calmly, moving beside him and crouching down. “I’m going to get you somewhere safe.”

Peter nodded weakly, head lolling to the side in exhaustion. Y/N slung one of his arms over her shoulder, hauling him up and over to the car. Muttering a quick apology as he winced in pain, she then helped him into the backseat. Laying him down on the floor of the car and making sure he was comfortable.

“Alright, alright,” she mumbled to herself as she assessed the damage. Pulling out her PEN she said, “PENNI scan Peter for any internal and external wounds.”

Peter was washed in soft blue light for several seconds before PENNI said, “Several superficial wounds to the face, chest, and torso. Severe gunshot wound to the abdomen. Beginning symptoms of hypovolemic shock showing. Evidence of internal bleeding, but no severe organ damage.”

“Let’s start with stopping the external bleeding. I hate that I have to specify,” Y/N said aloud, trying to joke despite the situation. Grabbing a bulky wad of dressings from the kit she pressed it against the wound. “Peter, we need to call someone. Someone who can actually help.”

“No,” Peter slurred, “‘m good. It doesn’t even hur’ tha’ much.”

Ignoring Peter’s request, Y/N addressed the AI, “PENNI, call Happy.”

The PEN rang for several seconds as it waited for Happy to pick up, Y/N sighed in relief once he answered. “Who’s this?” Happy said tiredly, voice echoing out from the PEN.

“It’s Y/N. Peter’s hurt, bad.”

“No ‘m not!” Peter protested.

“Where are you two?” Happy asked voice clear as Y/N’s words woke him up. Y/N gave him the address. “Be right there. Hang in there, kids.” He hung up.

“You’re going to be fine,” Y/N said to Peter. Whether it was to reassure him or herself she didn’t know.

* * * *

Y/N always hated hospitals. Hated playing the waiting game. And sure, the med bay at the (new) compound was infinitely better than any public hospital, but that didn’t make the experience any more enjoyable.

She was sitting by Peter’s bedside, waiting impatiently for when he would wake up from surgery. She had been in medical since Peter had been wheeled into surgery. Waiting for the verdict. May had arrived shortly after Peter was brought into surgery, but she eventually had to leave for work. Leaving Y/N alone.

MJ had never shown up. Even after Y/N had told her what had happened, she had simply been left on read.

Peter looked almost peaceful as he slept. And sure, it was probably from all the drugs that had been pumped into him. But it was nice to see him without the worry lines that constantly furrowed his brow. Or without the creases of tiredness that wrinkled the corners of his eyes. It was practically cathartic.

So when Peter woke up with a dopey expression on his face, she almost burst out laughing at the change.

“Why are you laughin’?” Peter mumbled. Okay, so maybe she did start laughing.

“I’m sorry, are you feeling okay?” she asked kindly. Standing up from the chair and moving to stand beside him.

“‘M feelin’....floaty,” he explained, waving an arm in demonstration, “heavy, too.”

“Very different things, Peter.”

“Oh,” he furrowed his eyebrows momentarily in confusion, “d’you know where May is? And MJ? Wait, course MJ’s not here…” he started mumbling something under his breath before his eyes welled up slightly.

“Hey, you’re okay. May needed to go to work. I can text her if you want,” Peter didn’t answer, “what’s wrong?”

“MJ broke up with me,” Peter said quietly, tears flowing down his cheeks.

A small, traitorous part of her began to celebrate. “I’m sorry, Peter,” Y/N said comfortingly, resting a hand on his shoulder, “what happened?”

“She--We were fightin’ a lot. Fighting because of alotta things. But mostly we were arguin’ ‘cause MJ didn’ wan’ me to be Spider-Man anymore.”

“Why? I mean, why now? She was fine with it before,” Y/N wondered, rubbing comforting circles on Peter’s shoulder as he poured out his soul.

“‘Cause she didn’ fully understan’ before, y’know? She didn’t see the aftermath of fights. Didn’ hav’ ta patch me up, or drive me places,” he looked at Y/N when he said that, eyes warm and affectionate despite the tears streaming down them. “Didn’t understan’ the danger she would always be in, the danger I was always in. Couldn’t handle it,” he sniffled, “And then she wanted me ta stop, pleaded with me to just take a break. Or to find someone else ta do it.”

“So what ended it?” Y/N asked, carefully sitting on the bed alongside him.

“When I got shot, I went to her place. Like I always do. An’ when I got there, she was so ...cold. Y’know MJ, how she is brutally honest and says exactly wha’ she thinks. So I’m by her window, waitin’ ta be let in. But she refuses. Tells me that she’s done. I dunno what I did, she just locked me out.”

“And left you to bleed out and die!?” Y/N practically growled.

“Don’ be mad at her, is my fault. Must’ve made her upset, I mess everything up,” the tears were back full force, snot mixing in with the salty liquid as it streamed down his face like a river.

“No, Peter. You don’t mess everything up,” Y/N gingerly wrapped her arms around his neck. “Whatever exactly happened between you and MJ, you can’t put all the blame on yourself. Asking you to give up Spider-Man, that’s impossible! She should’ve known that Peter Parker and Spider-Man are a package deal, one and the same. You can’t separate them and the things they do. Spider-Man is part of the academic decathlon team. Peter Parker saved countless lives, and Queens--No--the whole world is immensely grateful for him. Do you understand?”

Peter smiled slightly and nodded, eyes fluttering shut and head falling forward to rest against Y/N’s shoulder. Soft snores escaped his lips and Y/N careful lowered him back down onto the bed. Dead asleep.

She and MJ were going to have a very interesting discussion.

* * * *

Despite how much Y/N wished to immediately confront MJ, several days passed before she even had the chance. By then, Peter was completely healed. And was already making plans to win MJ back.

“I still love her,” he had confided in Y/N one night as they watched movies together. Now that he and MJ had broken up, he had an overabundance of free time. “I need some ideas to get her back.”

If Y/N was a worse person, she would use the opportunity presented to her to sabotage his plans. To ensure that he would never be able to return to MJ’s side. (Okay, that made it sound like she was about to kill him.) But she could never do that to the boy she loved.

“How about just talk to her?” Y/N offered, tossing a piece of popcorn in the air and catching it in her mouth. “Discuss what happened, and then decide whether you’re willing to continue the relationship or not.”

Peter opened his mouth to protest, but closed it in order to think over the idea. “That’s actually a good idea.”

“Duh.”

“But it’s not really romantic.”

“This is MJ we’re talking about. It doesn’t have to be overly romantic. She’d much prefer open communication than some huge, dramatic gesture. Just be smart about it,” Y/N further elaborated, throwing a popcorn kernel at Peter’s face petulantly.

Peter laughed and punched Y/N jokingly, “thanks, Y/N, you’re the best.”

Even if Peter had already found it in himself to forgive MJ, that didn’t mean that she could escape the verbal beatdown Y/N was prepared to give her. She finally had the opportunity to confront MJ after school. MJ was sitting in the bleachers by the football field, drawing in her sketchbook as the cheerleaders began tryouts.

“Hey, Y/N,” MJ greeted, nodding at her in acknowledgement.

“MJ, we need to talk,” Y/N said, surprisingly calm.

“Sure,” MJ snapped her sketchbook shut and placed it aside, turning to fully face Y/N.

Y/N took a deep breath before beginning, “Listen, I could give less of a shit about your relationship with Peter--” MJ’s eyebrows raised, as if she wasn’t expecting this to be the topic of conversation. “--but what I do care about is the fact that he almost died a few days ago. And I understand if you want to end things with someone, but doing it when they’re about to fucking bleed out from a gunshot wound is a little fucking stupid, don’t you think?”

MJ stared cooly up at Y/N, but it was clear that she hadn’t realized just how injured Peter had been that fateful night. She watched silently as Y/N gestured passionately with her arms as she spoke, taking the verbal beating with grace.

“Peter doesn’t deserve someone who’s so heartless that they’d leave him to die because of relationship issues! Because, goddamnit, Peter Parker deserves the fucking world. He sacrifices so much for others, and I’m not just talking about his alter-ego. He goes out of his way to make sure others are safe and well. He puts himself on the line in order to make sure that those he cares about smile and laugh and go to sleep at a reasonable hour. He puts so much pressure and responsibility on himself, he carries the goddamn world on his shoulders. And when you broke up with him, and I found him bleeding out in an alleyway, he wasn’t even slightly mad. In fact, he blamed himself. He said, and I quote, ‘ I mess everything up.’ The universe is so cruel to him, that he has decided that he is the reason why things go wrong. And that fucked up philosophy is the exact reason why I am so pissed off. Peter needs someone that’ll love him, all of him. Love the sleep-deprived, caffeine desperate guy who stays up till morning in order to finish a project. Love the enthusiastic part of him that’ll talk for hours about what interests him, and even if you don’t understand a single word he’s saying you can’t help but listen attentively because he’s just so goddamn excited. Or love the crying, guilt-ridden boy that is the last person that deserves to feel that way. And unconditionally love his alter-ego. Because it is impossible to separate the two from one another. If you can’t understand that, MJ, then you can never truly love Peter Parker,” Y/N panted as she finished her rant, not even giving MJ a chance to respond before turning on her heel and walking away. The anger she had been feeling the past couple of days had dissipated after she had yelled at MJ. And she was too satisfied with the sudden relief to even comprehend the strain that would be put on both her relationship with MJ and Peter.

MJ smiled knowingly behind Y/N. Calmly taking out her sketchbook and returning to her drawing. She understood exactly what Y/N was saying.

* * * *

Hours had passed since Y/N’s outburst, and she could already feel the beginnings of guilt and regret sinking in. She was holed up in her bedroom, ironing out the kinks of PENNI’s software when she could hear someone pounding on the door.

Pulling the earbuds out of her ears, Y/N quickly fixed her hair and wiped her oily hands off on her sweatpants. Further staining the already grease spotted material.

“Coming!” Y/N called making her way to the front door and unlocking it before flinging it open.

She was then face to face with a strangely emotionless Peter. He was dressed semi-formally, like he was about to go on a casual date. His hair was slightly mussed up, but was otherwise styled immaculately. Y/N felt disgusting in comparison to Peter’s put-together appearance

Y/N gestured for him to come in, and he did so without a word. He walked into the living room and stood by the couch. Y/N closed the door and followed after Peter, fear churning in her stomach as to what he was about to say. But she couldn’t deny the small part of her that prayed that he was about to ask her out.

“What’s up?” she asked nonchalantly, leaning against the arm of the couch.

“I talked to MJ,” he said dully, avoiding her eyes.

“And?” Y/N goaded, feeling her hopes wither and die at his words.

Peter swallowed audibly and looked at Y/N, his eyes shining from what looked like sadness....and was that pity? 

“Y/N,” he said sadly, “how long have you been in love with me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Told you it would hurt. Thanks for reading!


	3. Realizations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An argument erupts between Y/N and Peter. And the fallout leaves Y/N feeling heartbroken and Peter feeling betrayed. Will they be able to work through their issues and resolve their conflict?

Time slowed to a stop, an imaginary spotlight flickering on and focusing on Peter. The rest of the world fading to a dull grey as Peter was lit up with frightening clarity, no longer looking as put together as he originally seemed. His red rimmed eyes were prominent, his tear stained cheeks obvious in the light’s glare. Y/N’s mouth dried like cotton, lips parted slightly as she panicked, breath catching in her chest as she struggled to think. Words stuck in her throat, like flies trapped in flypaper, unable to escape. But what would she even say? Deny it? Apologize profusely? Yell and scream?

She blinked, once, twice, trying to stop the tears from welling up and spilling over. She swallowed loudly, opening her mouth in preparation to speak Several seconds passed before she found her voice.

“Sophomore year,” she whispered hoarsely, lowering her head as she tried to hold back her sobs.

Peter’s eyes widened, as if he hadn’t expected that answer. As if he anticipated her to deny it, or to laugh in his face at just the idea of it. “Oh.”

“How—how did you find out?” she asked quietly, fiddling with the hem of her worn down Midtown sweatshirt.

“I followed your advice,” Peter began as he sank down onto the couch, sitting stiffly, “I went to MJ to talk things out. I told her that I was sorry for whatever I did, that she had felt like she had to push me away. But she—but she,” tears began to silently fall down his face, Peter making no attempt to stop them.

Y/N stood to the side awkwardly, reaching out to comfort him, but quickly retracting the hand back to her side. 

“She said that she’d always be there for me, as a friend. That she had listened to what you said to her, and that she realized that she could never truly love me like you did.”

“Peter, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—”

“It seems like you meant a lot of things, Y/N,” Peter suddenly spat, his face twisted angrily, “what did you say to MJ? Why did you sabotage my chances?”

“Wha-what?” Y/N sputtered, “sabotaged?”

“Were you trying to get MJ to break up with me? 

“Excuse me?” Y/N hissed. “Do you really think I would do such a thing?”

“I don’t know anymore, Y/N!” Peter shouted, standing up from the couch and towering over her. Nostrils flaring and eyes glowing angrily like hot coals as he clenched and unclenched his fists. “I thought that you were genuinely trying to help, that you wanted me to get back with MJ! But you had ulterior motives, everyone does,” his rant trailed off into a choked sob, his shoulders shaking. Y/N’s heart ached as Peter suffered, undoubtedly thinking of all the times he was betrayed by those he trusted. Especially with the incident with Mysterio being so fresh.

“Peter, I won’t deny that there was a small part of me that wanted you and MJ to break up,” Y/N began. Peter gritted his teeth tightly, his jaw ticking with the force of the bite. Y/N continued on, mostly unaffected, “but I never acted on it! I did nothing but give you helpful advice, no harm intended.”

“‘No harm intended?’” Peter mocked, crowding Y/N against the wall, raspy laughs that sounded almost like sobs spilling from his lips. He was teetering on the edge, and Y/N wasn’t sure if she would be able to catch him.

Maybe he had already fallen.

“You thought telling MJ what a shitty girlfriend she was would be helpful?” he was laughing hysterically. Smiling with too much teeth, lips thin and spread too wide.

“I--” Y/N started to say, trying to defend herself. Feeling as if she was going to breakdown as well.

“No,” Peter interrupted. “I don’t want to hear it. You’ve ruined everything for me, Y/N. I trusted you.”

Y/N thought she had known heartbreak. Thought she knew what it was like to struggle to nurse a broken heart back to full health--or as close to it as possible. But those three words, with so much betrayal and sadness laced in the tone, was enough to shatter her heart into millions of tiny pieces. Y/N could finally understand why some people saw beauty in destruction. Why some would burn, break, cut, and tear everything and anything they could get their hands on. The complete and utter destruction of her heart was strangely beautiful, like a supernova. A burst of color and energy that you can’t look away from.

Y/N’s face hardened, tears still flowing despite the stoney look on her face. “Get out.”

Peter froze, his mouth hanging open as if he was about to say something.

“I live here, Parker,” Y/N said coldly, “leave. Now.”

Peter backed away from Y/N turning and leaving without another word. The door slammed shut behind him, and that was when it hit her. The finality of that closed door.

Peter Parker had just walked out of Y/N’s life, and he would never come back.

* * * *

Life without Peter was harder than Y/N originally thought. 

Going to Decathlon meetings became impossible. Peter glared at her whenever he thought she wasn’t looking, his eyes shining with betrayal and loss. He would pretend she didn’t exist, choosing instead to sit with Ned and MJ. Despite MJ wanting to just be friends with Peter, he would subconsciously send heart eyes her way, still secretly wishing that they were together. So, reluctantly, she quit. Deciding that the club wasn’t worth the torture.

Lunch became a chore. Their friend group torn apart at the seams, with Ned caught in the middle. Y/N would eat in the library, alone. Lounging on the saggy bean bags or curled up in the corner, leaning against the bookshelf. It was cozy, and Y/N might’ve enjoyed it if she weren’t so lonely.

Chem class became exceedingly awkward, with Y/N always sitting on the opposite side of the room from Peter. At least in her other classes she had Ned to sit next to, but in chem there was no one else. Leaving Y/N to have to partner up with the other friendless kids, or just to simply work alone.

To think that years and years of friendship could have been undone in one moment High school was coming to an end, and it seemed that Y/N would leave without her best friend by her side.

She spent many sleepless nights pondering over this. Eyes red and wet from crying, browsing Tumblr and watching YouTube as she tried to drown out the pain. She buried herself in her work, trying to invent as many things as possible in order to accumulate an impressive portfolio for college applications.

Nothing worked, nothing could numb the heartbreak.

“Hey,” MJ said, sidling up to Y/N as she ate her lunch in the library.

“Hey,” Y/N mumbled back, confused as to why MJ was even talking to her. She picked at her lunch, avoiding MJ’s calm, probing stare.

“You were totally right, y’know,” MJ said bluntly after several moments of silence.

“I’m sorry, what?” Y/N stuttered, looking up from her sandwich to face MJ.

“About Peter and I,” MJ shrugged, “figured you’d be the type to blame yourself and all, so I’m here to set you straight.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Y/N objected, taking a bite of her sandwich.

“Sure,” MJ arched an eyebrow, fixing Y/N with a teasing stare. Y/N smiled slightly. “Things were kinda falling apart, it wasn’t gonna last.” MJ sighed, shoulders slumping forward as she let her walls fall down, “Even if you hadn’t said all those things to me, I would’ve still turned him down. Your words just put everything into perspective. I’ll always be there for him as a friend. But we don’t work romantically.”

“I--” Y/N blinked away tears, “thank you. I’m sorry for saying so many rude things to you.”

“Don’t be sorry, I still need to apologize as well,” MJ waved a hand in dismissal. “I was the one who told Peter how you felt. Totally uncool of me, completely against girl code. I just thought that if I hit him over the head with it, he would finally realize.”

“Realize what?” Y/N asked. She had long forgiven MJ, it wasn’t her fault that Peter reacted the way he did.

MJ smirked and rolled her eyes, “you are both so oblivious,” she pulled out a brown paper bag, opened it, and pulled out her lunch.

“Um,” Y/N said, “you don’t have to feel obligated to eat here.”

MJ just smiled warmly, “I want to.”

Y/N beamed back. Maybe things would become more bearable now, with someone by her side who understood. Even just a little.

* * * *

Maybe Peter had been too harsh when he had confronted Y/N. That was what went through his head whenever he looked at her. Watching helplessly as she awkwardly turned away.

He hadn’t meant to be so cruel, to make her so upset. He had been so used to her listening to him and giving advice, that he didn’t even think when he unloaded everything he was feeling onto her.

And yeah, he without a doubt had been angry at her. Especially since she had probably ruined his chances to get back with MJ. But was he really abandoning a decade of friendship for something so inconsequential?

Yes. Yes he was.

Because it was just so painful to look at her, to know that his old crush had been requited all along. Knowing that if either of them had made a move, gained the courage to confess, they could’ve been one of those obnoxiously happy couples. The ones who everyone wrinkled their noses at, but secretly envied.

But his feelings for her had dried up years ago. Evaporated under the pretense that she didn’t feel the same way. He distracted himself with Liz, and found love with MJ. His stomach no longer filled with butterflies when he looked at her. His hands didn’t get all clammy and sweaty. He wouldn’t stutter and just speak with the motor mouth he was famous for. Nope. No siree.

And now, she and MJ were hanging out together. Spending every moment at each other’s side, as if Y/N had never said anything to her at all. MJ stopped coming to the lunch table with them, choosing instead to eat with Y/N. They both began to study together, something that Peter used to do with both of them. Peter wasn’t jealous. Nope.

But who exactly was he jealous of?

* * * *

“Y/N,” someone said from behind her. Y/N stiffened, she recognized the voice, even if there was no longer any warmth behind it.

“Peter,” she answered cooly. She turned away from the desk she was sitting at in order to face Peter. His backpack was slung over his shoulder, his hair done in his usual messy style. He was still handsome to her, even now. His expression was calm, distant, but there was a turmoil of emotions flashing in his eyes. Emotions she couldn’t identify. He was clutching something in his hands, and as she noticed the red gleam emanating from the object he was holding, her stomach filled with dread.

“I came to give this back to you,” Peter held out the PEN to Y/N, palm open as he waited for her to take it.

“Oh,” Y/N said dumbly.  _ Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry. _ She reached out with a shaky hand and plucked the PEN from his grasp, slipping it into her pocket. “Thanks.”  _ DON’T CRY. DON’T CRY. DON’T CRY. _

Peter nodded curtly and turned away, walking back to his seat across the room. He sat back down in his chair as if nothing of any significance just happened.

Y/N angled her head away from Peter, trying desperately to wipe away the tears that threatened to spill over. She sniffled quietly, thankful that the class was as loud and unruly as it was. Unable to compose herself, she slowly raised her hand and waited for the teacher to notice her.

“Yes, Ms. Y/L/N?”

“Can I go to the bathroom?” she asked meekly.

The teacher nodded, and Y/N jumped up from her seat and rushed out the door. Practically running towards the bathroom before she lost it.

“Y/N?” MJ asked worriedly as Y/N passed by, reaching out to comfort her.

“I--Peter--I just--Sorry, I can’t,” Y/N sobbed, clapping a hand over her mouth to prevent more ugly sobs from escaping. She ran into the girl’s room, locking herself in a stall before allowing herself to fully break down.

She crumpled in on herself, tears streaming down her cheeks ceaselessly. The salt water mixing with snot as it ran down her face in buckets. Choked back sobs fell from her lips, echoing wetly in the small bathroom.

She pulled the PEN out from her pocket with trembling hands. Fingers closed tightly around it, as if she could numb the pain by snapping it in half. But she wouldn’t be able to if she tried, the PEN was just too resilient.

It was too on-the-nose, too poetic, that Peter had returned what had basically represented her love for him. That he had literally rejected her feelings in such a simple action. It was ridiculous. Absurd.

So why did it hurt so damn much?

She stayed in the stall for the rest of the period, returning to class sheepishly to collect her stuff. The teacher was understanding. Maybe she understood heartbreak, too. Or maybe it was just because Y/N was a good student, and wouldn’t be suspected of any wrongdoing.

Y/N preferred the former.

* * * *

“You need to get your shit together,” MJ approached Peter at the end of the school day, arms crossed and eyes blazing determinedly.

“Uh,” Peter mumbled incoherently.

“It’s been a month, and you still have barely even looked at Y/N,” MJ pointed out, eyebrows furrowed accusingly. “And I don’t know what happened earlier today, but she was really upset.”

“I can’t believe you’re defending her, MJ, after what she said to you,” Peter snapped defensively.

“What exactly do you think she said to me?” MJ asked, tilting her head to the side.

“I--uh--Something horrible, probably! I’d be just as mad if your roles were reversed!”

“So you just assumed that she said something terrible, and never thought to ask?” MJ cocked her hip to the side and raised an eyebrow.

“Well--” Peter began sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck.

MJ threw her hands up in exasperation, “you both are so stupid.”

“Uh.”

MJ pinched the bridge of her nose, “Peter, I’m going to put this as gently as possible. You and I weren’t working out. That night at my window, I didn’t know how hurt you were, but I still should’ve made sure before I shut you out. I almost killed you, Peter.” Peter opened his mouth to object, but MJ interrupted “don’t even try. And even if Y/N never talked to me, I still would’ve turned you down.”

Tears welled up in Peter’s eyes, MJ gingerly took his hands in her own, clasping them together. “I will always be there for you, Peter. As a friend. Okay? I want you to know that.”

Peter nodded, taking a deep breath to compose himself. “Okay.”

MJ smiled, “good. Now, you can admit that you like Y/N.”

“What?” he stuttered, “I don’t like her!”

MJ rolled her eyes, “I saw the way you looked at her, even when we were together. It was almost this kind of...longing.”

“I didn’t cheat, MJ.”

“I never said that,” MJ held her hands up appeasingly, “but you can’t deny that the attraction was there, even subconsciously.”

“No, MJ. For once, you’re wrong about something,” Peter protested.

“Think, Peter,” MJ pleaded, “for just a moment,  _ think _ .”

And he did. He recalled how when she smiled at him, he felt warm all over. How she was able to make him laugh, no matter how upset he was. How she was always there to listen and offer advice. Remembered how it felt when she pressed up against him on movie nights, unashamedly resting her head on his shoulder. The way her tongue poked out when she was deep in thought, and how her eyebrows furrowed and eyes narrowed as she analysed a problem. Remembered the time she wore that revealing swimsuit to the pool, the outfit complimenting her body’s curves perfectly, and how she bent down and a hot spike of  _ something _ traveled down south and--

“Oh god, I’m an idiot,” he bemoaned, clutching his head in his hands.

“Finally, someone admits it,” MJ joked. “Go make things right, Peter.”

Peter nodded determinedly, running out the school and towards Y/N’s apartment.

* * * *

Y/N was only home for twenty minutes, barely having time to unwind before someone was pounding on her door.

She sat up from the couch, taking a moment to dry her tears. Peter returning the PEN still hurt like hell, nothing a few ice cream binges couldn’t help.

“Coming!” she called, making her way to the front door. Turning the locks before pulling it open. When she saw who it was, the world stopped turning.

“Y/N,” Peter said. Y/N nearly started crying again, not from sadness, but from joy. There was actual emotion behind his voice. Warmth and kindness, something that she had been deprived of for a month. “I’m so sorry.”

“I--” Y/N answered disbelievingly.

“No, really. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have reacted so strongly, it was unfair to you,” Peter still stood outside her apartment, Y/N having not invited him in yet.

“I’m sorry too,” Y/N whispered.

“No, you don’t need--”

“No, Peter. I wasn’t thinking when I confronted MJ. I said some things that I regret, things that I’m lucky haven’t bit me in the ass for saying. And despite what MJ said, that it didn’t affect her decision, I’m sure that in some way it did. So for that, I’m sorry,” Y/N apologized, head lowered in repentance.

“I talked to MJ, and I realized a lot of things.” Peter began. “Me and MJ, we were falling apart. I can see that now. It wouldn’t be right for me to blame you for that, especially since all you were doing was defending me. Albeit very...passionately.”

Y/N giggled, eyes watering slightly with tears. God, she was a mess. “I may have been a little...colorful with my language.”

“Y’think?”

Y/N laughed and shook her head. Smiling over at Peter, a smile that he returned wholeheartedly.

“I realized something else, with MJ,” Peter continued.

“Wow, MJ is talking sense into both of us,” Y/N joked.

Peter chuckled lightly, “I realized that ...well….Y/N, I--I love you.”

Y/N paled, swallowing thickly as she looked at Peter’s hopeful, yet downtrodden expression. At any other point in time, she would’ve thrown herself into his arms. But now, with everything being so fresh, she couldn’t. How he ignored her, all the scathing remarks, the glares, all terrible things that she couldn’t just brush aside.

“I love you too, Peter,” Peter’s expression brightened, “but I can’t do this, not right now. Not after...everything.”

“I really messed things up, didn’t I?” Peter chuckled sadly.

Y/N smiled softly in return, “things aren’t going to immediately go back to the way they were, you know that, right?”

“Yeah,” Peter agreed sadly. “Let’s start over.”

“Let’s,” Y/N nodded, “would you like to come in? We can watch a movie, or something.”

“I’d love to.”

Things were going to be alright. She and Peter were going to be alright.

And later, who knows, maybe the universe will repay her for all the shit it put her through.

That would be nice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this series! There may or may not be an epilogue, depending on audience input. Thank you for all the positive feedback and support!


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